


Live and Let Hide

by CrowandAngelWings



Series: All of your Imperfections [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam (Voltron) is a good boyfriend, Almost Marriage Proposal, Almost smut, Crying, Established Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, Sick Shiro (Voltron), Terminal Illnesses, sorryy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 15:46:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16956861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrowandAngelWings/pseuds/CrowandAngelWings
Summary: A couple of weeks after Shiro's diagnosis, he and Adam are still learning how to be around each other, learning what's okay, what's not, but when emotions run high, logic tends to disappear.





	Live and Let Hide

It takes Shiro nearly two weeks to even begin to process his diagnosis. The occasional electric impulses from his bracelets have been effective in managing his muscle stability, but he hasn’t been able to process what those impulses mean. Nobody really knew what was going on, Iverson did, of course, but all of his friends, all of his other commanding officers, were ignorant of his situation. 

He kept it quiet, more for his own sanity than anything else. It doesn’t really sink in that anything is wrong until a Tuesday morning. 

Shiro has been sleeping in more, his usual morning runs have been pushed to late nights. He doesn’t think about why, but he knows that getting up and getting out of bed is sometimes too difficult on its own without a run involved. He rolls over and reaches out, feeling for Adam to pull him close, but Adam isn’t there. 

Shiro sighs and sits up, rubbing his face. He’s tired, he just wants to stay in bed all day and not do anything, but he knows that will upset Adam. Instead, he heads out of the bedroom, intent on making breakfast despite the fact he’s not hungry, when he hears sniffling. 

Shiro freezes and peeks out of the hallway. Adam sits on the couch, back to him, but Shiro recognizes the slump in his boyfriend’s shoulders and, if body language weren’t enough, the occasional sniffles and pile of crumpled tissues were enough to clue Shiro in on the situation. 

“I.. I love him, mom,” Adam says, his voice trembling with repressed tears, “I.. I… he can’t… be sick,” 

Shiro’s heart clenches and his pulse pounds heavily in his ears. 

“I don’t know what to do… he’s acting like everything I-is… fine. I-I can’t act like that. I-w-we only have a couple years- I… I can’t do this-“ 

Shiro has heard all he can handle and he walks around the corner, yawning loudly. 

“I’ve got to go, I love you,” Adam says into the phone before turning to Shiro with a watery smile. 

“Everything okay?” Shiro asks, pretending not to know what happened. 

“Yeah, sorry,” Adam laughs shakily, wiping his nose, “that was my mom. My family dog passed away.” 

Shiro’s gut tightens at the blatant lie, but he pushes a sympathetic frown onto his features. 

“Adam, I’m sorry,” Shiro says gently, sitting next to his fiancé, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. Adam nods and sighs. 

“Sorry,” he apologizes again, making Shiro frown. 

“Why are you apologizing?” He asks, “It’s not like you could control what happened,” he reminds, playing along with the lie. For now. 

“I know, I just… I don’t mean to cry like this,” he explains, wiping his eyes. Shiro pulls Adam close to his chest and hugs him. Adam tenses up before relaxing. 

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Shiro mumbles and Adam begins to shake minutely. Adam doesn’t say anything, he just holds onto Shiro desperately. 

“How about I make you breakfast?” Shiro suggests, making Adam sit up. 

“Oh no you don’t, Takashi, last time you were in the kitchen you caused a Garrison wide evacuation,” Adam reminds him and Shiro smiles, despite the pain in his chest. 

“Yeah, but the bacon was okay!” Shiro protests, but Adam is already standing to go to the kitchen. 

“I’ll make breakfast, you can make coffee, I know you can do that,” Adam teases, and Shiro is momentarily frozen. Adam was just crying over him… suffering because of him… how could he pretend nothing was wrong? 

Shiro feels his breathing become slightly harder and his arm begins to shake. He quickly grabs his wrist and grunts quietly as the impulses relax his muscles into normalcy. 

“You okay?” Adam asks and Shiro laughs, brushing it off. 

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” he reassures, standing up and walking around Adam to the coffee pot, starting enough for both of them. 

“Are you and Keith going to train today?” Adam asks. Shiro sighs. 

“Yeah…I think so,” he says reluctantly, “he’s been really excited and I’ve already cancelled on him twice.” Shiro admits. 

Adam frowns and adjusts his glasses. 

“Are you up for it?” He asks and Shiro grits his teeth at the just too slightly gentle tone. 

“I’ll be fine, Adam,” Shiro retorts. 

Adam flinches and Shiro immediately feels guilty. It’s not Adam’s fault. None of this is Adam’s fault. Shiro shouldn’t be putting any of this on him. 

“Sorry,” Shiro mumbles, sitting down at the table and putting his head in his hands. 

“I know…” Adam replies quietly and Shiro knows that tone. He’s heard it so much from his boyfriend recently. It’s pitying, but tired, patient, yet exhausted. 

There’s a beat of uncomfortable silence before Shiro clears his throat. 

“What are you doing today?” He asks with fake bravado. 

“Well, if you’re going to be out, I think I’ll have office hours. A couple of my students…” 

Shiro zones out as Adam continues to talk about his plans for today. Adam woke up and cried, because of him. He’s frustrated with himself and terrified of his situation, but he’s taking it out on Adam. Adam doesn’t deserve that. Shiro nods to himself, with a heavy heart. Adam shouldn’t have to deal with him. 

“…sound good?” The question brings Shiro back to the moment. 

“Yeah, sounds good,” Shiro agrees, not sure as to what he agreed to, but Adam smiles at him, relieved. 

“Okay then,” Adam makes two plates of eggs, bacon, and toast before coming to the table, “sounds like a plan,” he says and Shiro’s heart twists at the genuine love in his fiancé’s eyes. He doesn’t deserve that. He’ll only ever hurt Adam. 

They have a good breakfast, or Shiro hopes they do. He’s too deep in his own head, trying to enjoy every second of it. Soon, too soon, Adam stands to gather his papers from his office. 

“See you tonight, babe, I love you,” Adam says, giving Shiro a quick kiss before heading out. Shiro watches him leave, lips tingling a little as he holds onto the feeling of Adam’s lips pressed against his. 

He sits at the dining room table, pushing back all of his emotions until he gathers the willpower to stand. He heads to his and Adam’s bedroom and methodically packs his things. He’s numb. He’s doing this for Adam. He loves Adam. He loves Adam enough to leave him to keep from subjecting him to whatever comes next. Adam doesn’t deserve to be burdened. 

It takes a surprisingly short time for Shiro to pack all of his things, really only a duffle bag’s worth of clothing and trinkets. He heads to the front door, bag on his shoulder, when he stops. Tears begin to flow, hot and rapid, down Shiro’s cheeks. He takes a shuddering breath, trying to focus. He can’t leave a note. It would be too much for him he would never finish writing it. He has too much to say, too much to tell Adam. Instead, he squares his shoulders and walks out the door, refusing to look back. 

He has no plans, nowhere to go, but he just knows he can’t stay with Adam. He goes to the gym locker room and stores his things there. That wasn’t too uncommon, Shiro is frequently at the gym so his presence isn’t noteworthy, even with a large bag. 

In the locker room, he collects himself. Keith will be here any minute and expect Shiro to be on his A game when they spar. Keith can pick up on other people’s emotions like Shiro has never seen. Shiro nods to himself. He’s doing this for Adam. It’s noble. Heroic, even. Brave. Strong. 

Shiro washes his face in the bathroom and changes into gym clothes before heading out to his and Keith’s usual sparring room. He’s surprised to hear noises coming from it, someone shouting ‘yield’ and sounds of people wrestling. Shiro turns the corner and sees Keith sparring already. He’s fighting a boy his age, clearly inexperienced, but the effort is admirable. Shiro watches, proud, as Keith takes the other boy down in three moves. “Yield!” the pinned boy says, clearly out of breath. Keith stands and just waits for the boy to get up to go again. The boy struggles to his feet and Shiro recognizes that determined look. He’s clearly exhausted, but he won’t give up. 

“Enough,” Shiro calls, stepping into the room. The boy Shiro doesn’t recognize jumps at the sound of his voice, looking guilty. “Mr. S-Shirogane, w-we were just practicing” the boy stammers and Shiro tilts his head, studying him. He has seen the kid around, but he doesn’t know his name. 

“I know, and it looks like you were getting some good reps in,” Shiro praises gently and the boy visibly relaxes. Keith scoffs. 

“Maybe, if he didn’t fight like a toddler,” Keith teases but the other boy bristles. 

“Hey! I almost had you a couple of times!” 

“Almost! You just got lucky!” 

“Did not!” 

“Did to!” 

“Okay, boys,” Shiro intervenes with a quiet laugh, “how about we take a break and get some water?” Shiro suggests and the boy looks like he’s ready to fall over in relief. He drags himself to the wall and sits down, gulping his water. Shiro turns to Keith. 

“Did you have to go so hard on him?” Shiro murmurs, not wanting to upset the stranger. 

“Yes. He sucks and asked me to help him get better,” Kieth explains. 

“Did you actually teach him anything or did you just spar?” Shiro asks, having a feeling about the answer already. 

“Best way to learn is by doing! You taught me that,” Kieth defends himself. 

“Did I just jump in and start throwing punches at you when we started out?” Shiro asks and Keith looks down, grumbling a quiet ‘no’. 

“Exactly, you have to be patient and figure out how to ease a beginner into the techniques of sparring-“ 

“Okay! I’m good! Let’s go again!” Shiro turns around when the boy speaks, but Shiro bites his lip as he staggers to his feet. 

“How about you two call it a day? It looks like you got a pretty good workout in,” Shiro addresses his comment to the boy, his t-shirt sticking to him with sweat. 

“I can keep going!” The boy insists, “I’m going to get Keith this time!” 

“Yeah, keep dreaming, Taylor.” 

“My name isn’t Taylor, for the last time, it’s-“ 

“Guys, come on,” Shiro interrupts with a little laugh. He admires the boy’s determination, but Shiro can’t handle two training sessions today. “How about I show you how to pin Keith and then I can come watch and coach you both next time?” 

Given the look in the other boy’s eyes, you would believe that Shiro just told the boy he’d won every lottery in the world. 

“Yes, please!” The boy, Shiro is mentally calling him Taylor since that’s what Keith called him, says and steps out of the way. 

“Watch carefully,” Shiro instructs and turns on Keith. Keith has a dark, determined look in his eyes that borders on feral as he stays light on his toes, just like how Shiro taught, as he waits for Shiro to come in and attack. Unfortunately for Keith, there’s not much of a contest between a 24 year old and a 14 year old. 

Shiro steps in close, grabbing Keith by the wrist as Keith attempts to punch him and carefully spins Keith around by that arm. He kicks the back of Keith’s knees, sending him to the ground. Shiro pushes the boy down until Keith’s face is on the floor, arm bent behind his back, and Shiro’s knee pressing against his spine. Keith struggles for a moment before groaning, annoyed. 

“Let me up,” he mumbles and Shiro lets go. Taylor claps fervently and Shiro smiles, a little embarrassed. 

“That was so cool! Can you teach me to do that?” Taylor asks and Shiro has a brief moment of doubt when he sees admiration and expectation glimmering in Taylor’s eyes. He doesn’t deserve that kind of look. 

“I will, next time,” Shiro promises, reaching out to ruffle Taylor’s hair. Taylor blushes and nods. 

“T-Thank you, um, sir? Mr. Shirogane, sir,” Taylor stumbles over his words before grabbing his water bottle and running for the exit. Shiro laughs a little and turns to Keith. Keith is glaring at the floor. 

“What?” Shiro asks, confused. 

“Why’d you do that?” Keith snaps, startling Shiro. 

“Do what?” He asks, bewildered. 

“Take me down like that! I was trying to- never mind,” Keith mumbles, looking down, face red. Shiro eyes his adoptive brother curiously. He’s never seen Keith so… flustered. 

“Wait, Keith, you don’t like-“ 

“NO I DON’T SHUT UP! YOU’RE SO EMBARRASSING!” Keith shouts, bright red and Shiro chuckles before cutting himself off. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll let it go,” Shiro says, trying not to look too upset. Just knowing Keith had a crush…. It remains him of him and Adam. Shiro shakes his head. 

“Ready to train?” Shiro asks and Keith’s blush fades as genuine excitement takes over. It’s rare that Keith shows any emotion and training is one of the few times Keith actually reacts positively to anything. 

“Yeah!” Keith says, settling into a stance. 

“Defense or offense?” Shiro asks, easily settling into a pose. It’s easy to forget about his own issues as his mind moves to Kieth and training. 

“Offense,” Keith, predictably, replies. Shiro nods. 

“Let’s go,” He encourages. 

Shiro lets Keith train for another hour and a half before calling it. Keith is definitely getting better as age begins catching up to his lanky frame, his smaller size filling out with lean muscle, and Shiro has to work a little harder to avoid getting hit too hard. Keith does land a couple of punches that surprise Shiro, but the just make him proud. Keith is going to be okay, after he’s gone. 

“What’s up? Are you okay?” Keith asks when they take their final water break. Shiro hadn’t realized he was staring off to space until Keith got his attention. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m always good,” Shiro assures, but he nervously tugs the long sleeves of his shirt down to make sure his wrists are covered. He almost never needs to use his bracelets during a workout, but he wants to be careful. If he collapsed in front of Keith… no, it won’t happen. 

“Really?” Keith asks, sounding a little nervous, vulnerable, and Shiro is reminded of the kid Keith was when they first met. 

“Don’t worry about me, Keith, I’m supposed to worry about you, remember?” Shiro tries to lighten the mood, casually punching Keith’s shoulder. Keith laughs and holds his shoulder, but his smile fades. 

“You’d tell me if things weren’t okay, right?” Keith asks, looking up at Shiro. 

“Of course, Keith,” Shiro lies, his voice soft and just a little bit hurt, as if upset by the idea that Keith wouldn’t trust him. But Keith shouldn’t trust him. He doesn’t think he’ll ever tell Keith about his… condition. A sudden, unexplained death might be easier to swallow than a long, drawn out, expected one. Shiro momentarily remembers how Keith lost his mother and father and he’s overwhelmed with guilt, but he fights it. He’ll prepare Keith the best he can, he’ll make sure Keith doesn’t even need him by the time he… 

“Okay, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Keith says suddenly and Shiro almost chokes on his water. Guilt races, icy cold, through his body. 

“Keith, what brought this on?” Shiro asks, suddenly afraid Keith already knew. Keith shrugs and crosses his arms defensively. 

“I heard Iverson talking about a commanding officer and something about ‘an unfortunate reality’ and ‘time limit’… it.. it scared me and I… but if you say I shouldn’t be worried, I won’t be.” Keith says resolutely and looks at Shiro with a confident grin. Shiro almost breaks down in tears in that moment. Keith trusts him so limitlessly, yet Shiro keeps lying to him, deceiving him. What kind of monster does that, especially to a child? 

“You have nothing to worry about,” Shiro says firmly, resting his hand on Keith’s shoulder reassuringly, “Why don’t you go change and we can go racing?” He smiles and Keith’s eyes light up with an almost childlike excitement. 

“Okay!” He says happily, running off to the student dressing room. Shiro leans against the wall the moment Keith is out of sight and he slides down. His body begins to shake. He pushes the button on his wrist and groans as the electricity stimulates his relaxing muscles and he breathes heavily to keep from hyperventilating. He shouldn’t have agreed to see Keith today. It’s too much. 

Shiro pulls out his phone and sighs. He fills out a residency transfer form, not stating any reasons and instead including a brief reminder that Iverson owes him a favor. He submits the request before standing and heading to the dressing room for officers, showering and changing out of his sweaty clothes into his casual wear. He puts his racing goggles around his neck and heads out the backdoor of the gym. His phone buzzes on the way and he glances at it. His throat closes up and he declines the call from Adam. 

Keith is waiting for him by the door, trying to look cool and relaxed, but failing miserably as excitement seems to radiate off of him. 

“Ready?” Shiro asks and Keith jumps up. 

“Yeah!” He says earnestly and Shiro unlocks the door with his card, leading Keith out to the yard. He checks in with the guard and signs out two of his favorite crafts. Keith is already on one and Shiro laughs as he watches Keith check to see if he can access the wiring, like he’s trying to hot wire it. Old habits die hard. 

“Here,” Shiro throws Keith a set of keys before getting on his vehicle, quickly turning in on. It roars to life underneath him and he grins. Shiro never feels as free as he does when he’s riding. 

“Let’s see if you can keep up!” Shiro shouts over the sound of the engines before revving his and taking off. He knows Keith is close behind, Keith is one of the most talented pilots Shiro has ever knows, so Shiro has no issue taking a more challenging and interesting route. It’s about four hours, round trip, and every moment, every turn, is adrenaline inducing.Keith weaves around him, taking short cuts that Shiro thinks are risky, but the manic smile on the younger man’s face make Shiro laugh wildly. Very few people share his love of racing like this, but Keith… Keith almost enjoys this more than he does and that’s exhilarating. They’re almost done when Shiro’s heart skips a beat. 

“WATCH THIS!” Shiro shouts before swerving sharply to the side, over the edge of a steep cliff. He stands up, letting the momentum carry him forward, before gravity catches up to him. He’s done this a hundred times, knows exactly when to pull up and how sharply to make that moment, but this time, mid air, he hesitates. 

What if he didn’t pull up? What if he hit the ground? What if he just… stopped? Stopped worrying Adam. Stopped counting down the days? Stopped… everything. 

“SHIRO!” Shiro snaps out of his head and yanks his vehicle up, correcting his decent safely. Part of him is relieved. Mostly, he’s disappointed. He shakes his head and circles around to the end of the route. 

Keith is already off his bike and he runs up to Shiro, eyes wide and a huge smile. 

“That was amazing! You have to teach me how to do that!” Keith says, excitedly, and Shiro laughs, getting off his craft. His leg shakes. Shiro quickly reaches for his bracelet and he grunts a little as he presses the button and his muscles relax. 

“Are you okay?” Keith asks and Shiro quickly nods. 

“Just a little jumpy from the free fall,” he assures with a quick smile. 

“It was so cool! How did you get the timing right? I would’ve face planted so hard!” Keith laughs and Shiro’s stomach twists as he smiles back. 

“Practice, timing, I’ll show you next time for sure,” Shiro promises, ruffling Keith’s hair. 

“I can’t wait,” he says, batting Shiro’s hand away, “show me now!” 

“Next time, Keith, I promise. I’m a little tired today,” he mentions and Keith deflates, but nods understandingly. 

“Okay, you should rest then,” Keith says wisely and Shiro laughs. 

“You’re starting to sound like me,” he teases and Keith blushes. 

“I-I don’t-“ 

“Don’t strain yourself,” Shiro laughs, jumping back on his hover car, “race you back to base?’ 

~~~ 

Shiro walks quickly down the halls after showering and changing, his bag slung over his shoulder. His request for off campus accommodations had been approved while he was with Keith and he was on his way to his new residence. Thoughts of Adam keep surfacing, but he shoves them away. He’s doing this all for Adam. Adam deserves better. Ada deserves a chance at a lifetime of happiness and Shiro doesn’t want to hurt him. 

“TAKASHI SHIROGANE!” 

Shiro jerks to a stop, along with the cadets walking past him in the halls. He feels their eyes dart to him nervously as he takes a breath and turns around, steadying himself. Adam is marching towards him, eyes red from what Shiro knows must be tears, but a tainted anger burns in his eyes. 

“Adam, don’t-“ 

“Don’t what, Shirogane? Don’t make a scene? Don’t come after you? What were you thinking?” Adam demands, crossing his arms. Shiro knows they’re attracting attention, no matter how quickly the cadets look away. 

“Yes, to all of that,” Shiro says curtly, turning to walk away. 

“No, you don’t get to walk away from this,” Adam grabs his wrist and Shiro’s body seizes with tremors as Adam presses the button on his bracelet. Given how quickly Adam retracts his hand, it was clearly on accident. 

“Takashi-“ 

“Don’t, Adam, just… don’t” Shiro insists, continuing to walk away. This time, when Adam grabs his arm, Adam yanks him sideways into a room. Shiro’s back hits the wall in a supply closet and Adam’s arm is across his throat in an instant, pinning him. 

“I’m sorry I triggered your bracelet, but that won’t stop this conversation,” Adam mutters angrily. “You packed up everything and just… left? While I was out? Takashi, what the fuck.” 

Adam rarely swore, but Shiro isn’t phased like he usually is. “Im.. breaking up with you, Adam,” Shiro manages to say, his voice steady despite the racing of his heart and the panic in his stomach. 

“No, you’re not, try again,” Adam says, his voice trembling. 

“I… I can’t do this,” Shiro says, leaning against the wall. He’s bigger than Adam, stronger too (for the time being), and he could easily reverse this situation and leave, but he doesn’t. He needs Adam to accept it’s over, to hate him so he can move on to someone worthy of him, someone who can give him everything Shiro can’t. 

“You can’t do this?! You can’t do this,” Adam laughs humorlessly, “what the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“It means I can’t-“ Shiro’s voice cuts off and he collects himself after a moment, “I can’t be with you. I can’t have you watch as I wither away into nothing. I can’t…. I can’t do…” 

“Takashi,” Adam’s voice is wrought with unshed tears and desperation, “don’t… don’t you dare say you’re doing this for me. Don’t you dare think that I don’t want you-“ 

“I heard you on the phone this morning,” Shiro cuts him off, “you said… you said you couldn’t do it,” Shiro’s tone isn’t accusatory, but Adam jerks back. 

“I love you,” Adam says resolutely and Shiro bites his lip as tears slip down his boyfriends face, “and this… it’s scary, Takashi. I know you haven’t… I know you haven’t accepted what’s happening but.. I have. I am going to love you and be with you for the rest of your life, however long that may be. What I can’t do… I can’t be alone in this. You’ve,,, you’ve been putting up this front, pretending to be fine and happy and like nothing is different and… I feel so alone. I want you to live the best life you can, I want you to be happy, but.. I don’t want you to ignore the reality that-“ Adam’s voice cuts off as his tears flow more freely. 

“You… you have a lifetime after me, Adam,” Shiro’s voice breaks, “I… I can’t let you miss that because of me.” 

“That’s not your decision to make,” Adam retorts, “I love you. I always will. Nobody ever said love way easy or uncomplicated, but I knew that when I fell for you. Don’t- don’t do this for me, Takashi, don’t try to push me away because you think it’ll be for the best. It isn’t. What’s best for me… it’s you. It has always been you.” Adam insists, his arm sliding down to rest at his side. “If you… if you don’t love me, then you… you can go, but never, ever, say you’re doing it for me because you care. I… I don’t want to lose you. Of course I don’t. Don’t pretend leaving me is selfless, it’s not. I… we have years together, still and… please, don’t cut that time short.” 

Shiro can only stare at Adam, processing. Adam’s right about some things, namely his selfishness. Shiro’s selfishness is a paradox; on one hand, he wants to be with Adam for as long as he can be, regardless of the consequences it might have on his boyfriend but, on the other hand, he doesn’t want Adam to see him weak and broken and that side, combined with the guilt of making Adam care for him out of obligation, pushed him into this situation in the first place. 

“It… it’s not just going to be difficult,” Shiro warns, “I… I’m not good at this. You know how bad I am with sharing emotions,” Shiro reminds and Adam nods, but a small smile plays on his lips. 

“I know, it took you almost a year to tell me you loved me, I understand. I know who I fell in love with Takashi, give me some credit,” Adam laughs, a little nervously, before wiping his face. 

“But…please… don’t do something like this again… I… I can’t take it, okay?” Adam asks and Shiro looks down guiltily. 

“O-okay,” Shiro agrees, staring at his shoes. 

“Okay,” Adam breathes back, leaning up to kiss Shiro’s forehead, “let’s go home, then. I… not seeing your stuff was… not good,” Adam admits and Shiro nods, still looking down. 

Fingers lace between his as Adam pulls him out of the closet and back into the hallway. Shiro can’t help but glance over his shoulder towards the door. He… he really should leave, for Adam’s sake, but his selfish side wins out and he dutifully follows Adam down the hall, hand in hand, back to their room. 

“I love you,” Shiro murmurs as they get to the door, “I always will love you.” 

“You still sound like you’re saying goodbye,” Adam sighs, almost sadly, opening the door and pulling Shiro inside. 

“I don’t mean to, I just need you to know,” Shiro says simply. 

“I know you love me, and I love you. For better or for worse.” 

Shiro’s head snaps up at Adam’s words, holding his gaze. Adam doesn’t back down from his words. 

“In… in sickness and in health,” Shiro says haltingly. 

“For richer or for poorer.” 

“As… as long as… we both shall live.” 

Adam stares at Shiro. He nods and smiles weakly, “I… well… um,” Adam shakes his head, “I didn’t expect to say that before we even got engaged.” 

“I.. let’s not talk about that, can we just… say that for now?” Shiro asks, heart heavy. He planned on marrying Adam, he has a ring and everything, but now… with the time limit, he’s not sure. He doesn’t want Adam to marry a dead man. Adam would accept his proposal on obligation alone and that’s not how Shiro wants to get married. Of course, given that, Shiro would never marry. He would never get to have kids. He would never get to do any of the things he wanted to do with Adam. Shiro shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts before he started crying. 

“Okay,” Adam agrees, stepping close to hug Shiro. It takes a moment, but Shiro holds him back, burying his face in his boyfriend’s shoulder. Shiro takes a deep breath, forcing himself to relax. He leans heavily on Adam, but Adam simply adjusts his stance and supports the added weight. 

“Let’s get you to bed, okay? You’ve had a… long day,” Adam murmurs and Shiro nods, but he doesn’t move. He doesn’t ever want to let go. Adam doesn’t pull away either. They just breathe and hold each other, standing in the hallway and trying to preserve this moment forever. 

Eventually, Shiro pulls away. Adam leans back and gives Shiro a small smile. 

“Bed,” Shiro breathes and Adam kisses him slowly. 

“Let's go, then,” Adam supplies and gently leads Shiro to the bedroom. Adam lets go to change out of his uniform and Shiro watches him. Adam has always been so beautiful to Shiro, tanned skin over lithe muscle. It doesn’t take long until Shiro can’t stand not touching and he walks up, hands sliding from Adam’s waist around to his stomach, holding him close. 

Adam stops changing, wearing only sweatpants. 

“Takashi,” he breathes softly and Shiro leans down and kisses Adam’s neck, just a press of lips before becoming a little more urgent, licking a spot before sucking lightly. He’s careful not to leave a mark this high up, but he can’t help the way his hands splay over Adam’s stomach and chest, holding him close. 

“I’m so sorry,” Shiro mumbles against the crook of Adam’s neck, kissing up slowly as his hands press a little harder before he runs them back and forth over Adam’s skin. 

“I know you are,” Adam murmurs, tilting his head away for Shiro, “are you trying to make it up to me?” 

“Maybe a little,” Shiro admits, hands sliding back to Adam’s hips and he grinds his hips forward just a little, “but I.. it’s been a while and I miss you.” 

It has been a while. Adam had stopped instigating and Shiro hasn’t been in the mood, but tonight, all of his emotions felt so raw, he’s a little bit of a mess, but he’s sure of one thing; he loves Adam with everything he has and he needs Adam in every single way, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 

“I’ve missed you too,” Adam murmurs back, turning in Shiro’s arms, leaning up to kiss him. It’s slow, sweet, but Shiro wants more. Shiro deepens the kiss and Adam gasp. Shiro’s hands go to Adam’s waistband, pushing it down a little, but Adam’s hand stop him. 

“I’ve missed you, but… not tonight,” Adam murmurs and Shiro feels himself deflate. “I… thought you were leaving me. I don’t want to…” Adam trails off, but Shiro just nods. 

“I understand,” he replies, kissing Adam again even though he so desperately wants to do more. Adam dealt with enough of his crap already, he doesn’t want to make today worse for his boyfriend. 

“Let’s just go to bed,” Adam leans up into the kiss before pulling away and going to bed. Shiro can’t help but think how ironic it is; Adam talking about being there and wanting to help, but he just keeps pulling away. 

Shiro sighs and gets undressed before joining Adam in bed. Adam holds the blankets for Shiro to crawl under and Shiro settles into Adam’s arms, tangling their legs together and resting his forehead against Adam’s chest. Shiro is taller and bigger, but he really likes to be held like this, even more so now even if he would never admit it. 

“Goodnight Takashi,” Adam sighs and Shiro feels Adam kiss the top of his head. 

“Goodnight, Adam.”


End file.
